I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
