I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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