Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize