I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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