yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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