I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
