My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
