Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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