I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
