My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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