Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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