and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
