Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
