I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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