hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
