i jhust puked up my retainher.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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