Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
