Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I want is dick and wine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
