census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
