So drunk its hurt
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
