idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Randomize
