my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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