it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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