he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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