Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize