well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
