theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
