Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
