I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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