Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
