so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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