Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
