I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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