She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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