Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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