fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
