listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
