Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
