so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
