My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize