my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
