Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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