Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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