U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
