I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
