So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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