threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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