I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
