Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just google imaged poop.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
