So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
