I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
