Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
