No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
where does the pee come out of this thing
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
