I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize