I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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