I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
