We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
