Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
