Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
