I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize