so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
