I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
