My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
