I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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