So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
