Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
