Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
