So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
