after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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