New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
