on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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