Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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