Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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