I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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