guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
