Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
