my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
