I'm really into asian looking animals
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
