That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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