He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
